By Dan Kinem
Not our typical review but I couldn’t help it. Beyond collecting VHS, Pogs, and Simpsons stuff, I also collect 80s/90s Nickelodeon stuff. Anything from Ren and Stimpy comics, the Finders Keeper’s game, Secret World of Alex Mack chapter books, you name it. If there’s an orange blob on it I’ll buy it. I only recently started collecting Nick stuff for real but I am trying to build up a nice collection of the VHS Nickelodeon has put out through the years (no post-1999). When I heard about this particular tape I nearly fainted. This is a treasure of a VHS, especially for any twenty-somethings that grew up with Nickelodeon. This particular VHS captures a Saturday night in 1993. You must know what I’m talking about and that’s Snick! Remember the big orange couch? I do, and every night when I go to sleep I pretend I am sleeping on said couch. It always looked so huge and comfy… and orange. No color is better than orange.
Nickelodeon released two of these back in the day, this one, Nick Snick Friendship, and Vol. 2, Nick Snicks the Family. Nickelodeon has always been stingy as fuck when it comes to releasing their shows, and even with their recent teaming up with Shout! Factory I know for a fact that this would and could never be released on DVD. You could never see anything like this today beyond this VHS. I was particularly happy to hear the bumpers were included, too. It’s everything I love about VHS. I always try to explain to people what makes VHS so great and now I don’t have to anymore, all I have to do is hand them this tape. There’s something comforting and amazing about a pre-programmed block of entertainment and commercials. I like not having to do anything. I want to know how the makers intended this material to be watched and all I have to do is push the tape in and press play. I get a commercial, the intro bumper, four shows, three shorts, another bumper, and two more commercials. It’s just perfect.
Starting it off right is the classic Nickelodeon commercial with the barbershop trio singing the “Nickelodeon” song. You’ll be familiar with this if you’ve ever seen any Nick VHS. It always blew me away and to this day I still have no clue what’s going on, all I know after watching it is that I’m excited as fuck for some shows. It’s included at the beginning of every tape released by Nick in the 90s. After this you get the Snick intro where they introduce the big orange couch. The thing of beauty. Then you get the first show, which is the classic, Clarissa Explains It All. It was an added bonus that this episode is from season three of the show, which has never come out on DVD (Nickelodeon only released the first season for some idiotic reason).
It’s the episode entitled “Sam’s Swan Song” where Sam’s leather-clad, forced-raspy voiced, tattooed, “rocker,” roller derby mom comes into town to take Sam away and move him to Seattle. He and Clarissa have to attempt to deal with the fact that they won’t be seeing each other every day anymore. It’d be a hard show to explain to anyone not familiar with 90s culture. You almost need to wear sunglasses while watching just to shield yourself from the brightness of the clothes. It remains probably my second favorite live action Nick show, second to The Adventures of Pete and Pete. The show uses creative storytelling techniques such as talking directly to the audience, writing on the screen, and cutaway gags. This particular episode is one of the better ones I can remember. You get a great story of friendship told through the metaphor of a missing earring. Throughout the episode you get flashbacks to good times Sam and Clarissa had, like when Sam made rocket fuel out of chips and dip and when him and her dad did a rap about architecture together while wearing huge blue parachute pants. I nearly pissed myself laughing. The dad’s verse wasn’t half bad, either.
It’s an extremely nostalgic show for me to watch. I remember watching it all the time growing up and being jealous of Clarissa’s room and her window that people could climb through. Everything from Sam’s Flock of Seagulls + undercut hairstyle, to Clarrisa’s computer games, to the insanely catchy theme song brings back memories. The “way cool!” in the theme song captures everything the show is in one phrase. Nickelodeon must get off their ass and release the rest of the show and the spin-off episode, Clarissa Now, along with tons of special features on DVD, ASAP.
Next you get the Pete and Pete short, “Artie, the Strongest Man in the World” where Artie saves the two Petes from various dangers including a crazy old lady with a hose and a wild tiny barking dog. You also find out his powers come from his costume: a 60-40 shirt blend.
(^Nice Artie dick shot)
Then you get a season one episode of Ren and Stimpy entitled, “The Littlest Giant.” This brings the only slight problem with the VHS. I’m assuming, in order to adhere to the strictly friendship-focused episode themes, they could only include half of an episode of Ren and Stimpy. Normally the show would have aired fully, with two separate 15 minute stories. It’s not too big of a deal, especially since this show is the only one with a decent DVD release out of the whole bunch with all the seasons being out and each set having special features. It’s a classic episode in which Stimpy reads himself a bedtime story about the constantly being made fun of littlest giant (him) leaving Hugevania to befriend a farmer (Ren). I’m pretty sure I heard somewhere that John K. tried to never use the same expression drawing twice and it works wonderfully. Some of the faces both of them make are so hilarious I could explode. When Ren is praying, his face when he says, “Please give me a million dollars, and oh yeah, huge pectoral muscles” is fucking hilarious.
Ren and Stimpy still remains one of the most unique and funny shows ever on television. The fact that a show like this could never exist these days is really sad. While I enjoy Spongebob Squarepants to an extent the more I watch old Ren and Stimpy episodes the more I see Spongebob as a poor man’s version. So far I only have the first season; I really need to get the rest of them. I’ve never been one of those people who hates the show after John K. left. There were still many classic episodes after that. If anything, when John K. did those new episodes on Spike he spoiled the show’s flawless streak and proved that having the freedom to do anything you want isn’t always the best thing.
Next is the Pete and Pete short, “X-Ray Man.” It features little Pete starring into the electromagnetic rays of a lunar eclipse and gaining x-ray vision. So funny. He begins watching TV from outside and big Pete even covers Ellen with a led vest so Pete can’t see her underwear. How can a show be so good?
Then you get an episode of Are You Afraid of the Dark?, Nickelodeon’s horror anthology show. The Midnight Society gathers around to tell, “The Tale of the Lonely Ghost.” The only kid anyone remembers is of course the 30-year-old dork with the glasses. He’s the only one that stands out just because he is far and away the oldest and most annoying character. The episode is one of the more popular ones, one that I even remembered from when I was a kid, though I didn’t remember it as an AYAotD? episode, but as a TV movie. I guess I got it mixed up with something else.
(^Why are your lips so fucking glistening-y?!)
In the tale, Amanda is shipped away to her aunt’s house for the summer where she is forced to hang out with her cousin, Beth. I’m not lying to you Beth looks like if little Pete and big Pete fucked, had a mutant ass-baby, beat it with a stick every day of her life, then let a blind bum cut her hair (or this hideous picture of Molly Ringwald). She almost ruins the episode. She is such a bitch, always complaining. Bitch, you don’t have the right to complain about anything. You are hideous. The fact she has any friends besides her stuffed animal collection blows my mind. She forces Amanda to go into this haunted house next door in order to prove she’s not a “zeeb.” Over there she finds the daughter of their old depressed nanny. This scares Beth half to death as she gets locked in a mirror with a bunch of dolls. Funny, judging from her bulging eyeballs I thought she had been scared the entire episode. The nanny and her daughter are reunited and Amanda teaches Beth how to be nice.
Not one of the better Are You Afraid of the Dark? episodes I remember, not because it isn’t an enjoyable story, but solely because of how annoying and bad the actress that plays Beth is. I loved how every time they cut back to the Midnight Society 55-year-old dork would say something like, “Guys, guys, come on. And then what happened?” You are a fucking dork. That mother fucker’s so old I thought he was going to ask the other kids which one needed a ride home after the story was done. Also, did anyone else think it is weird that this group of friends gets together out in the middle of the woods for 21 minutes each week? Like seriously, it probably took them longer than that to get to their secret spot. So strange. They get there, sit down, tell the story, and immediately leave. They also seem to have an obsession with the word “zeeb.” Maybe it’s a Canadian thing…
Next is the Pete and Pete short, “Route 34.” It’s a really classic and touching little short about big Pete having the terrible job of mowing the grass along the highway. Ellen comes to visit him and he tells her he has 6 more miles and she says she’ll just walk with him. Awe. Such a fucking great show. Why can’t all things be as good as Pete and Pete?
Last, and most definitely least, is the Roundhouse episode “New Kid in Town.” I am completely dumbfounded. There’s no way to describe this travesty. What the fuck is this? This is so caked in 90s grease that I got about five new pimples with each passing minute. I mean, if I wanted someone to know what the 90s were like I would destroy all traces of this show’s existence because this is just too fucking embarrassing. I had never seen this, that I can remember, and I wish I still hadn’t. It’s like cheesy local improv theater, except somehow a thousand times worse. How this show made it past 3 episodes is beyond me. It somehow ran for 52 episodes! A nonstop barrage of terribly unfunny sketches, horribly cheesy songs, weird smoke effects, and a crazy moving reclining chair car with a grill attached. It’s just terrible.
Kids are jumping everywhere. Doing flips, singing, laughing, smoke is all over the place, the camera is flying around like crazy. There’s some dude with a goatee trying to pretend he’s in high school. Some absolutely terrible sketches including an “Empty V” (oh, how clever) performance with a Pauly Shore impersonator that keeps saying “Buddddyyyyy.” There’s even some Madonna parody. “First came The Exorcist, then there was Elm Street, now the most terrifying experience known to man is here… Riding the bus to school!” Just no. The loose plot that ties everything together is some kid is the “new kid” in school. He gets beat up and sings, gets shit on by some chick and sings, gets made fun of for befriending a band geek and sings, and then finally gets slightly less uncool and sings. There’s some horrid song by MC Hamster (yes, I’m serious) and it’s some kid with hamster ears and two huge wheels in the background. I nearly vomited. The last song is actually somewhat enjoyable in a cheesy 90s pop group kind of way; almost like a song by one of those third-rate All That! musical guests. It ends with the great message of even after you went through the pain of being the new kid, the second you get the chance to, make fun of someone else. It makes you cool.
It’s no surprise that one of the cast members went on to write Madtv, a show equally as unfunny and embarrassing. This show is an abomination and is hands down the worst show I’ve ever seen on Nickelodeon (I stopped watching in 2002), yet it’s so bizarre I can’t not watch. Sad thing is, if they ever released this on DVD I’d buy it, and I’m super excited to get the Snick Vol. 2 tape and watch the episode on it.
^Look at that low walk dancing and grunge guitarists! Sooooo bad.
At the end you get all the shows’ end credits in one string for some reason. I don’t know why they decided to do it like this or if this was how it used to be. I doubt it was like that, though. They probably just didn’t want the credits to get in the way while you’re watching.
Then you get the snick sign off which is amazing: “Nick thanks you for Snicking, and Nicking, and until the big orange couch returns please remember, it’s Snick or it’s Snot.” Goodbye! Oh wait, there’s more! Stimpy says, “Hey! Don’t rewind the tape, there’s more stuff to watch, for you.” So even after this greatness you are treated to more nostalgic joy. You get a commercial for Ren and Stimpy VHS and then you get a commercial for the second Snick tape.
I cannot rave about this tape enough. Anyone around my age needs to have this in their collection. It’s one of the most fun things I can imagine. I’ve already watched it twice in less than a week. It shows how great Nickelodeon in the 90s was. Look at the variety you get: a teen comedy, a cartoon, a horror anthology, and a musical “comedy.” Time flies when you Snick!
P.S. If you have any Nickelodeon stuff you could add to my collection let me know. Anything from the 90s would make me so happy, whether that’s chapter books, VHS, games, toys, etc. Just message me and I’d forever love you… almost as much as I love the big orange couch.