By Dan Kinem
Looking at this fantastic cover of a woman with her throat slit dripping blood, plastered in beautiful rental sticker warnings, you would expect this to be a classic crazy 80s slasher. You’d expect it to be anything other than what it actually is, a sixty-minute-long softcore drama from the 60s called The Kill. Luckily, or unluckily, for the audience the film was re-titled, re-edited and re-dubbed into a weird nudity-filled unintentional comedy.
Blood Hunger opens with a dead cat on the side of the road for needless shock value (can’t say 100% for sure if it’s real or not, but it looks it). Great start to what I can only assume will be a classic cinematic masterpiece. There’s an overly long car chase that culminates in three men in black (galaxy defenders) beating the shit out of a woman with their fists, then dragging her back to a room with only a mattress and a bunch of film canisters to be raped (likely the director’s actual room, which is sad on so many levels). The sound effects for the punches are hilarious, as they sound like frozen meat is being hit with a stick. The re-dubbing I mentioned above is done so poorly that it becomes comical. The girl’s screams go in and out, don’t match up, and sound like they are meant as score to the film rather than an actual sound effect. The sound of a guy unzipping the zipper on his pants in order to rape this poor woman is priceless (sounded like a bee buzzing in my ear). I cannot get over the effects they settled on. When the guy finished raping the girl there’s a literal lion’s roar and a car crash played. Then the sound of him zipping his fly back up is a creaky old door. I can only assume they had a library of effects to pick from and just tried to use every one of them randomly.
“I’m about to, I’m about to… Aaaaahhhhhhh!”
The rape victim goes to hire a private detective to help her catch these bad guys. As if his 40s/50s movie detective-schtick wasn’t obvious enough, they plastered a gigantic poster of Humphrey Bogart on the wall of his “office,” too. She talks to him, but all that comes out is a sped up Alvin and the Chipmunks-like effect over her voice so you can’t hear anything she says. Turns out this rape victim is a nympho who only cares about getting revenge on the guys who raped her and having sex with anything that moves. She bangs the detective and the detective says in his head, while they are both having sex, “I still didn’t trust her, she might be from the phone company.” Huh? Is this humor?
A hunchback/retarded janitor, who, because of his fake hunchback, can’t even button his shirt fully, gets raped by the girl who got raped. She throws him on the detective’s desk while he is gone, has sex with the guy’s hunchback, with the Lone Ranger music playing in the background (actually, it was an advertisement for the Lone Ranger playing), in front of the Humphrey Bogart poster. I could barely believe my eyes but it happened.
While the detective is investigating, he gets caught by the thugs and gets tied up. Turns out these are heroin dealers headed by a man named Adolf Krueger (lol). He manages to call the rape victim to come save him in a hilarious scene featuring him struggling to get the phone and falling all over the place. She comes over and she has sex with him in the gangs’ room where she was raped… Classic.
Adolf.
There’s another WC Fields-like car chase (ala The Bank Dick) between the gang and the detective/nympho. The whole time this chase is going on she is giving him road head, I think. The scene was so disjointed and crazy that I can’t be 100% sure of anything that happened.
A few random simulated sex scenes followed (including one random death) and then both of the main characters were killed. The end.
This movie plays more like Woody Allen’s What’s Up, Tiger Lily? than an actual serious horror or rape-revenge film. It’s like a group of teenagers found the original footage without sound and were given the job of creating a comedy out of it. The footage comes across like one of those late 1960s, grab a camera and shoot some sex and violence-type of movies (i.e. a perfect candidate for a Something Weird release). I enjoyed the movie for how bad and funny it was, but overall, it’s a pretty terrible movie that’s saving grace is its short, sixty-minute run time.
The fact the director, Gary Graver, went on to work with Orson Welles is baffling. His skills as a cinematographer increased greatly after working on this as some of his later stuff, like Welles’ F for Fake is amazing! Graver also directed and worked on so many other semi-noteworthy horror and porn movies, such as Trick or Treats, Mortuary, and Young and Restless II (starring an underage Traci Lords!). The man is a legend so it’s definitely cool to see where he got his start, though, I assume this release was edited without his approval (I could be wrong, though).
I am absolutely in shock over the fact this film was also released on VHS under the name Reservoir Cats with the bold statement, “Quentin Tarantino fans will love this!!!” This is not even remotely like Reservoir Dogs, nor have I ever heard Tarantino mention this. Such a funny attempt at a cash-in that probably pissed more people off than even this Blood Hunger release did. This release was put out by Even Steven Productions, one of my absolute favorite companies (Midnight Intruders, Swinger’s Massacre, Satan’s Storybook, etc.). So far I have 7 of the 8 known-releases by them and their whole gimmick for the most part was re-editing adult stuff or random movies they had access to and making them look like horror movies. I highly recommend copping this tape if you can find it. I heard the movie was released on DVD, but as far as I can tell there is no official release of the movie so you have to go with the tape and you won’t regret it!
Meow.